could it be?

i used to be so proud of myself, because i was open-minded, i was someone who would embrace change. i would be willing to go anywhere and do anything, no matter how far-flung, no matter how preposterous. i would not say no, if the Lord said go.


and then He said go.

and i said no.


or i wanted to, at least.



but after spending months and months in the slow death of winter, i am beginning to see signs of spring. and in, perhaps, the least likely of ways.

let me explain:

the very parts of me that felt like they were killing me have become the very things that are brining me to life. the things that i thought i hated, i have been called to. and though i came in with feet dragging, i am seeing that i don't hate them, and i don't hate the fact that i belong with them.

i am learning to celebrate the very things that make me human. my failure to transcend this world is nothing more than a glorious revelation that i was never meant to be able to on my own. and i'm not out of it yet. in fact, i believe that Jesus wants to make my life transcendent, but He can't do that until my own frailty has been well established.



so i will rejoice, therefore, in all my weaknesses ....




it's never been truer.

moved.

i am officially down in jeffersonville, indiana, for the next two months. i'll be working at a UMC down here, doing music ministry, and helping out in some other areas as well.

people talk funny down here :)


in other news, here is my summer reading list:

"the irresistible revolution" -- shane claiborne
"don't waste your life" -- john piper
"the abolition of man" -- c.s. lewis
the harry potter books ... re-reads, of course :)

i'd also like to add to this collection a few more c.s. lewis books and hopefully "a severe mercy." i can't decide if those will be library borrows or if i'll just break down and buy them ... but i would like to get some more steinbeck from the library.

what are you reading this summer? i love suggestions :D

the place i was wasn't perfect, but i had found a way to live

rarely has a song echoed so exactly what my heart is feeling now.





the past is so easily romanticized. and the future leaves me as easily jaded. and neither emotion reflects reality. the truth is that i need to learn to trust and obey. and experience the fullness of joy and the peace that passes understanding.


---


to be really introspective about it, the reality is that i've been putting an awful lot of roots in things that aren't Christ. and not putting enough roots in Christ. i say, "Jesus, take me anywhere You want." and i would go wherever He goes easily if i were more rooted in Him. but i have become far too rooted in places, relationships, jobs, and in a life that is temporary.

only He will endure.
only what is done for Him will last.
only His work will remain.

only He is worth living in and living for.

“The one thing that the poor strengthless sinner has to fix his mind upon, and firmly retain, as his one ground of hope, is the divine assurance that ‘in due time Christ died for the ungodly.’

Believe this, and all inability will disappear.

As it is fabled of Midas that he turned everything into gold by his touch, so it is true of faith that it turns everything it touches into good. Our very needs and weaknesses become blessings when faith deals with them.”

--C. H. Spurgeon--

no need to be bitter or embarrassed.
no need to make excuses.
no need to save face and make a joke out of it.

my failing is the sweetest thing that has ever happened.
it's where God reveals His glorious strength and love.

"i would rather boast, therefore, in my weaknesses ..."


now if only to live each moment with that faith.

i'm feeling this strange sensation ... is it called fast-forwarding?

i know that time goes faster as i get older ...

... but i still believe that i shouldn't look at the date and think, "hmm. a year just went right by me."

i think i'll start reading the newest addition to my library: piper, 'don't waste your life.'




maybe i need to stop asking what i want to do with my life ...
and start asking what He wants to with with my today.

drop-out

i can't exactly pin-point the real reasons why i have a tendency to be a now-and-again blog school drop out. but i have a hunch that it's got something to do with shying away from introspection. i'm also not entirely sure that i have anything worth saying. or that anyone is listening.

maybe i care too much. or not enough. or maybe i care about the wrong things.


also, my belly button itches.

let me give it to you straight

grace.

grace equals total freedom. grace means no merit, not even an iota. grace means total acceptance. grace is unconditional love with no expectations of performance.

even in the face of total failure. even in the face of crippling sin. even in the face of uncertainty. even when i blunder about and mess everything up worse than it ever was before. even when my failures have spilled over into other people's lives. even when my mistakes hinder not just me, but everyone around me.

grace is a gift. freely given. voluntarily given. joyfully given.

grace asks for no explanations.

grace can't hear your reasons why.

grace won't stand for your excuses.



grace is your second chance. grace is your fresh start.

every
single
moment.


and every moment, you are utterly covered by grace. there is no fault too grievous, no crime too heinous, no misstep so crippling, no failure so far gone that grace cannot overcome.


may you know -- truly know -- the grace of Jesus Christ.



"I have done it, and I will carry you;
I will bear you and I will deliver you."
isaiah forty-six

it's not on me. and that is my only hope. the truth of grace is all my hope.

forty years.

would my faith last that long? what would be revealed about the condition of my heart if the promise's delivery were prolonged for forty years? i can hardly last three months ... nevermind forty years.

"...the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart..."

deuteronomy eight:two


for a long time i thought that character was built on the most difficult days. surely it was in the midst of the hottest fire and the greatest pressure that my gold was refined and my diamond was formed.


but did you know that even if great pressure is exerted onto carbon molecules, it doesn't necessarily mean it will form into a diamond? and even if diamond crystals do form, the conditions have to remain perfect and stable for thousands of years in order to produce a diamond. AND when the diamond is formed, it looks nothing like what you think of when you think of a diamond. it actually looks kind of like a translucent shiny rock. sometimes they are lumpy or dirty.

all that is to say that i don't think it's the moments of greatest trial that produce good character. i believe that the moments of greatest trial reveal the character that has already been built in the every day, in the mundane.

because if i can't trust the Lord with my plans for next week, i'm sure as heck not going to trust him with my life in a year, or five years. if i don't want to apply the Word of God to my interactions with my close friends, i certainly won't do it when i encounter the surliest of strangers.

i really hope that i understand the gravity of the every day. it's how i order and live my life every day that prepares me for the catastrophic moments that are sure to come. and when they come, they will rip open my heart and reveal what is truly inside for the whole world to see.

will it be black and bitter? stubborn and hard as a rock? crusty and despairing?

or will it be living and lovely? will it be soft with surrender? will it be full of faith and compassion and hope?


it's not going to rain every day. but i don't throw away my umbrella just because it's sunny today.

slightly off-color, yet frighteningly accurate.

thank you, susan, for pointing me to the official list of stuff white people like.

i am much, much whiter than i ever thought possible.

reason # 32 i don't like walmart

this is hilarious ..... i'm rhett and link's newest and most devoted fan.