now let me at the truth which will refresh my broken mind.

mumford & sons, from the album "sigh no more."

  i've fallen in love with this album. i call it "the avett brothers meets quick said the bird." but this likening only works if you know both of those groups... and since one of them is my small (but mighty) collaborative musical effort, it might be rather unlikely that you know us. enough of that, though ... on to the lyrics:

the cave [listen here]

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again


i tried (and failed) to give blood today.

for the second time, no less.

the first time was in college, and it had been less than a year since getting tatted up. (yes, rachel bell has a tattoo. shocking. before you throw stones--or give me a rousing cheer of "bad---!"--i should tell you that it's the holiest tattoo that has ever existed. not only is it the words of JESUS, from the BIBLE, but i got it with my bible study leader while we were meeting for discipleship. before or since, there's never been as much sanctification happening in a tattoo chair than there was that day.)

but today, with all things go, my hemoglobin was too low. it needed to be 12.1, and it was 11.5. i even let them stick me twice to make sure. and even though i had been really nervous about it, in the end, i was just bummed. as i sat and waited for my friend to finish giving her ever-so-acceptable blood, i tried to figure out why i was so bummed.

i was there in the first place because i wanted to be some small part of giving someone life. this blood is a mysterious thing. it carries oxygen and nutrients and platelets and things i don't even remotely understand to keep all bodily systems running. it pumps and flows and rushes. it circulates. it replenishes itself, and adapts to heal wounds big and small.  it never stops.

unless it does. unless there's a breach, and it bleeds out. and then it's lethal. if the wound is too great, the body can't restore itself, even after the wound is covered.

and the life-giving blood of another is required to rescue it.

i wanted it to be my blood, to have my life be the sustenance for another's. i was there in the first place because i wanted to be some small part of giving someone life. 

i guess it's a good thing i can do that--on an eternal scale--without ever giving my blood. because the wound is too great, the breach is gaping, and our only hope for rescue is in the freely-given blood of Another. i hold the gospel salve in my hands. only, Jesus, teach me how to get it to them.


unless the seed is sown

the flower in it never opens.

Jesus replied, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there my My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him."  --john 12:23-26--


especially true for the hard-headed among us (read: especially true for me)

experience: that most brutal of teachers. but you do learn.

--c. s. lewis--



i knew they would get me. they are in kenya this week. two years ago, they got me while in uganda. but this time i was ready. ready to sponsor again, that is. even as one blogger said this week, "how can i ask people to give until it hurts if i'm not giving until it hurts?" more aptly for me, how can i ask people to see the worth of the glory of God if it costs me nothing to proclaim it? i cannot tell you how much i love compassion international. i have the utmost respect for their mission and their methods, and i am filled with JOY at their stories of the Kingdom coming even now. i love compassion international. releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name. and releasing rachel bell from wealth in Jesus' name.

this is my joy, my very delight, and his name is procter. look at that face!!! such concentration. i love him already.

Procter Memba

Birthday:  June 15, 2003
Age:  6
Gender:  Male
Region:   Africa
Country:  Kenya
Program:  Musembe Child Development Center

Personal and Family Information:
Procter lives with his father and his mother. He is responsible for running errands. His father is sometimes employed as a farmer and his mother is sometimes employed as a farmer. There are 6 children in the family.

Playing ball games and playing group games are Procter's favorite activities. In primary school his performance is average and he also regularly attends church activities.

Because of your sponsorship, Procter will have new opportunities to learn and grow physically, mentally, and spiritually. Thank you for your concern and prayers.

procter, i can't wait to introduce you to jacquline!

find your joy, your very delight. the call of God is on you to love His children. obey Him until it hurts, and the world will begin to see that He is worthy of our everything. 

(the link will take you to the search page for a child to sponsor. i would encourage you to search by "longest waiting." you will see the children who have been waiting more than 6 months for a sponsor, like procter was. i'm sorry, little man, that it took me so long.)


simple, not easy.

from the end of the earth i call to you when my heart is faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than i.

--psalm 61:2--

simple, if i am not too proud. not easy, if i am. 


election and evangelism

the lack of a biblical view of election can destroy a believer's ability to practice effective evangelism. such a believer is convinced that it is his job to do the actual saving, and he despairs when he realizes how much of a stumbling block the gospel can be to those who are currently perishing. if such a believer is convinced of the extreme weight that his specific words and actions carry while speaking with unbelievers, his conviction to speak the truth boldly will wither for the fear of inciting a negative reaction.

what freedom comes for evangelism when understood in light of election! praise be to God that it is not my responsibility, and even less is it my ability, to complete the work of salvation! all i may do (and it is no small task) is to preach faithfully the good news of Christ's great work for a sinner's great need. all i may do is to live a life worthy of the gospel by which i have been saved. this will mean that i do not, by my overzealous judgment or inconsistent behavior, put an unnecessary stumbling block in the path of the perishing around me, but neither do i refrain from giving them the whole, undiluted, bone-crushing truth of the gospel.