weary

i got the flu. it was AWFUL. awful. fever of 102.7 ... sleeping for 12 hours straight (unheard of for me) ... aches, congestion, headaches, cough, sore throat, nausea, basically the gamut of flu symptoms. it was not fun.

i did get five days off of work, though ... although returning today was a struggle on "only" 7 hours of sleep ;)

but the flu is not the only reason i'm weary. i'm just plain worn-out. this little respite was only a taste of what i feel like i actually need. i'm weary of running around all the time. i'm weary of barely making ends meet. i'm weary of 'owing' so much of myself and my time to other people. quite honestly, i'm weary of my phone ringing. i'm weary of thinking/worrying about jason. i'm weary of driving. i'm weary of my to-do list.

and although the flu stopped me in my tracks for a couple of days, it couldn't keep it all from coming flooding back in at the first sign of health.



so what's the solution? i've already cut out a lot of things ... and yes, that has helped. but quite frankly, until i learn to need Jesus for every moment, until i learn to live in surrender and dwell under grace all the time, until i see supernatural work of peace over my heart ... i'm going to continue to be weary.

i guess we'll see how long i last ....

i'm betting it won't be too much longer ;)



so i'm getting ready to fall on grace.