more than words

this post is only titled that because i was trying to think of a title, and that song happened to start playing on my itunes as i sat here. so for what that's worth ;)

but it's apt all the same.

ok, so i look around at my life, and the way i spend my time, and something is off. sometimes i feel like i don't have much control over how my time is spent, but what is happening in actuality is that i just really don't pay much attention to where my time goes. i let it slip away. and i don't like that.

but then i think about how i would like to spend my time, and sometimes i don't know what i would do with free reign. i think i would do a lot of things that i don't do now. in fact, i think i'd like to make a list:

if i could empty my schedule for the next six months, i would:
  • write at least one song a week.
  • go for a solitary walk in un-civilized terrain 5 days a week.
  • have one day a week of solitary time with Jesus (no other people at all for the whole day).
  • spend at least 2 hours in uninterrupted prayer every day.
  • have a significant conversation with an old friend once a week.
  • go through all my possessions (ALL) and sell/trash 75% of them.
  • read at least half the bible.
  • finish the tee-shirt quilt i started about 8 years ago ....
  • not do my hair.
  • not wear makeup (not even mascara).
  • learn how to play mandolin.
  • climb a mountain. maybe in colorado.
  • not make a single commitment or promise to anyone. and not let anyone down.
  • make no plans for the future.
  • read lots of different things.
  • not watch a lick of TV.
i thought i wanted to live a full life. but i don't want a full life that consists of nothing more than a full schedule. i want to live a full life, one that is BIG, with broad horizons and variated landscapes. i want a simple life with a simple schedule that allows for a fuller experience than a full schedule ever could. i want to be able to let my life happen without feeling like it's happening without me, like it's dragging me along. i want to enjoy every moment, every blessing, every breath as the gracious gift that it is. no strings attached.

and i don't want to waste my life.

oh Lord, lead me.


  1. girl...have you been reading my mind??? seriously. thanks for articulating my heart as you were sharing yours. :) i love you!

  2. i dig it rachel. you know, you could probably knock off at least 5 of those things if you visited me for a week in bloomington :)