the lines have fallen

last night i spent some time just reminiscing. i read through my old journal from the summer when i worked for youthworks ... incredible.


i don't know about you, but it's really easy for me to forget all the good things that God has done in my life, all the ways that He has lavished His love on me and all the times that He has shown His glory and goodness in my life. and while i don't think it's healthy to live in the past or wish more than anything that you could go back to a certain time (for God has called you with perfect faithfulness to His purposes in the here and now and in the future), it is no more healthy to be bitter about the past, to wish that it wasn't, to disregard it, or to forget about.

because it is TRUE that God is ALWAYS bearing good things in our lives.


that same summer (2005), i was reading the psalms, and sixteen caught my attention in particular. if you know me fairly well, you know that much of my formative years were characterized by what i now see as some of the greatest trials of my whole life. what i mean is that for a long time i was bitter and angry and hateful about my past and the life i had been 'subjected' to. and when the Lord revealed my own bitter, hardened heart to me, it was not a momentary conversion to a light, soft, loving heart again. it took a lot of time. and it was soon after the 'end' of that process that i read psalm sixteen:five and six.


the Lord is my portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You support my lot.
the lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.

indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.


my prayer that summer was that the Lord would mold me in such a way that i would be able to say this and mean this with my whole heart.

what i am seeing now, two years (and much drama in the Jesus + rachel story) later, is that the only way that i will be able to say this, and mean it wholly, is if i really, truly believe and trust GOD that His plans are for good, for glory, perfectly faithful, not to do damage even if they cause pain, but to bear the fruit of redemption and salvation in my life.



that doesn't mean it gets any easier to deal with the effect of 'my heritage' ... because i am human, i am ever in need of God's grace, and the perfection of His glory on earth has yet to be fully revealed; so basically, things still suck a little bit. but it's my perspective that makes all the difference ... which means that instead of praying for God to change the world, perhaps i should be praying more for Him to keep changing me.

and i should keep remembering my heritage and how He has given me beauty for ashes, a garland of praise for my sackcloth of mourning--not just in my outward circumstances, but in my very heart's conditon.

and what more reason do i need to worship Him with my whole life?