hope

"Sunday’s sermon was about Hope. Hope is not the same as optimism, the pastor pointed out. Optimism has its place, but it is at its core the name given to a way of looking at things. The glass is either half full or half empty–our opinion of it doesn’t change the amount of water in the cup. Sure, it changes our disposition, and of course an optimistic one is the better of the two. But Hope goes deeper. Hope gives thanks that there is such a thing as water, and remembers that whether the glass is empty or full, there is a greater story being told. If there is water in the glass, then somewhere beneath the earth, in cathedral caverns where no eye has yet seen, a clear river courses. I may cry out in pain or sorrow (which seems to me anything but optimistic), and yet have hope, though I cling to it feebly."

...

"Finally, Frodo bids his friends goodbye at the Grey Havens. I didn’t pause it this time, but as soon as the film was over I talked with Jamie about the wound that we all carry. Just like Frodo, we have wounds that are too deep to heal this side of that grey rain curtain; the wounds of the Fall, of our daily sin, of our loneliness and selfishness and tendency to believe the lie over the Truth. I ache to board that ship and sail away to those white shores and that far green country.

Hope holds me up. It’s what I cling to, and all I ever want to cling to.

“We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” (Romans)

Lord, give us patience."

--andrew peterson--

[the whole post]

the glory of Christ: a reminder

then i turned to see the voice that was speaking to me.

i saw one like a son of man,
clothed in a robe reaching to the feet,
and girded across His chest with a golden sash.

His head and His hair were white
like white wool,
like snow;

and His eyes were like a flame of fire.

His feet were like burnished bronze,
when it has been made to glow in a furnace,

and His voice was like the sound of many waters.

in His right hand He held seven stars,
and out of His mouth came a sharp two-edged sword;

and His face ...

His face was like the sun
shining in its strength.




when i saw Him...

when i saw Him...

when i saw Him

i fell at His feet like a dead man.




and He placed His right hand on me, saying,

"Do not be afraid;

I am the first

and the last,

and the living One;

I was dead, and behold,

I am alive forevermore,

and I have the keys of death and of Hades."


revelation one : twelve - eighteen

i like anna nalick

you're all here for the very same reason

cuz you can't jump the track
we're like cars on a cable

and life's like an hourglass
glued to the table

no one can find the rewind button, now
so cradle your head in your hands

and breathe.
just breathe.

the day off

i am really looking forward to today! first of all, it started out in the BEST WAY EVER--i woke up on my own the moment before my alarm went off :D it's so silly, but that just sets my day off right. and now, i don't have to go to work ... i love these days in the middle of the week when i don't have to work. i'm getting my hair cut at aveda, and my friend emily from work is going to do it! then my madre is coming down for the day. we had a really good time together the last time i was home (last weekend) and i'm hoping we get to have some more quality time.

but what really makes this day so wonderful and glorious is that i am covered by the grace of God. He is forever at work in my heart, whether or not i see it. His Word is forever true, and it is forever piercing my soul and putting in me a hunger for more of Him. when i turn to the Word, the world begins to make sense. priorities fall into place. my heart is at peace. i can live abundantly, and i begin to look a little more like Jesus.

and what is more wonderful than that?

so here's to another wonderful day. :)



"like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, if you have tasted of the kindness of the Lord ... for He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. for you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls."

--first peter two: two & three, twenty-four & twenty-five--

one of those songs.

i seem to have this thing that i do, where i pretend like i don't really like a lot of that "christian" music ... you know, the stuff on k-love or star 88.3. i pretend like i have a more discerning musical palate, and that catchy stuff with the corny lyrics just isn't up to par.

but then i hear a song or two ... full of those cheesy musical hooks and all the 'corniness' of any legit ccm ... and it catches the spirit of my heart. and i start to sing along, and i realize that i really mean it.

and suddenly i find that i get really excited every time the song comes on the radio :D

well, no more pretending.


this is one of those songs. and matthew west (the singer) is giving a free concert in fort wayne at noon on friday. anyone up for a trip with me? ;)

I’m the one with two left feet
Standing on a lonely street
I can’t even walk a straight line
And every time you look at me
I’m spinning like an autumn leaf
Bound to hit bottom sometime

Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
and Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I'd ever care to confess
Oh but, You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess

Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

You’re everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hanging up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
You are
You are
Jesus, You are
You are everything

:D

the review ... i like it too :D

to put it simply, i'm copying.


two-thousand seven, so lived by rachel lynn bell:

--jan--
heard a calling. got confirmation. worked my last days as a youth coordinator. saw jars and d.webb and don miller with l.haff in holland. got sicker than i've been in years, and spent several days on the couch instead of in class. talked a lot with my parents about life.

--feb--
trusted the Lord. a lot. correction: learned how to trust the Lord. a lot. and researched grad schools. got accepted for the internship with cru.

--mar--
continued to get ridiculously behind in classes. let a lot of people down, and learned how to be OK with that. wrote a lot of papers. spring-breaked in the apartment with e.w. road-tripped to stl to see the bulldogs in the sweet sixteen. started reading john.

--apr--
saw the Lord raise my very first supporter. turned twenty-two with meggie becca. had a memorable (studying-filled) birthday with a birthday cookie message and leftover dough (the BEST). went to training for the cru internship. started reading job.

--may--
went to thursday at d-ton's for the last time as a student. turned in a lot of late work. got a 4.0 for the semester. switched my primary and secondary majors around. graduated. felt a little heart-broken. and grateful. played in some weddings. had a strangely awkward encounter with an old ... friend. moved into a new house.

--jun--
mda-camped it. and avoided support raising. started support raising. late. wrote a song. learned about endurance. went to a wedding. started reading hebrews. and read colossians a few times one morning.

--jul--
went to philly with my cousin's band. saw erica and it was amazing. got really discouraged. took a beating from the Word of God. struggled with life. answered the xanga question of the day.

--aug--
asked for support online as the deadline neared. learned humility. well, actually, was humiliated/humbled. wondered if i really trusted God. had a sneaking suspicion that i didn't. bible ripped again. felt a little slippery, and a lot immature. doubted. leaned on a few people pretty heavily. read jonah.

--sep--
heard some much-needed words from the Lord. wrote a new song. disengaged from a lot of my friendships. started this blog. started watching pushing daisies. wrote another new song. waited on the Lord. followed Him in a new [scary] direction. failed at some things in the eyes of the world. started reading isaiah.

--oct--
learned and remembered sweet things in psalm 16. went to plymouth with russ and jessica to see dave. started working at starbucks. fall retreat-ed. cried for G-dub, both for my sorrow and for his joy. found some awesome music. found my heart breaking for things happening in ministry. watched my life spiral out of control. shared the gospel of grace in a very new way. read jonah again.

--nov--
read the great divorce. had a very short thanksgiving. missed my family. didn't blog. didn't read blogs. went to a wedding. saw my RIC and it was amazing. didn't read much of my bible. and was consequently much worse for the wear. had a lot of yats. got new tires.

--dec--
started reading revelation, among other things here and there. read some steinbeck. failed a life in a lot of ways. let a lot of people down. didn't sleep enough. saw a lot of old friends and it was good. had a two-day christmas break. started to apply for teach for america. worked/attended christmas conference. had the desire to join staff for the first time ever. and maybe .... heard another call. again.

just like full circle.


i'm looking forward in 08 to:

-direction and passion
-more gospel sharing
-more Word of God reading
-finding identity in Christ
-hiding my life in Christ
-glorifying God by being really, really satisfied in Him
-good song writing
-the wedding of my dearest friend
-the return of another dearest friend
-more Jesus than ever before


well that's about all, folks. :) God is good.

the loose cannon

today there was a moment. it caught me by surprise.

i was laughing, most likely a little bit too loudly, in such a way and in such a place and at such a thing that it probably disturbed a few people around me. yes, others were laughing too ... but i was the disruption. and i caught a look ... you know, a look from someone. it read quite clearly, "annoyed."

the look was like a mirror to me. and i had the thought again. like so many other times, when i speak too quickly or assume too much or get preoccupied or distracted or just plain inconsiderate [in other words, self-centered], i saw in that mirror: there goes the loose cannon. the variable. the unstable element. the volatile one.

i really, really hate being the loose cannon. i'd much rather be dependable, respectful, the epitome of grace and propriety. i hate being a loose cannon.



but you know what is incredible?

God loves a loose cannon.


i mean, really? really, Lord? you have quite a knack for picking the rejects. you pick the loose cannons, and the failures. the cowards. the bumblers and the stutterers. the control freaks and the out-of-control tornadoes. you pick the crippled and the bruised, the tattered and torn, the bed-ridden and the blind, the deaf and the dumb. you pick the unpredictable one.

yes, God loves me, the loose cannon. and he picks me. because i've got nothing to boast about in myself. i'm the failure. the reject. the crippled, blind coward. so if i can bring Him glory, if i can bring the lost to Him ... it says nothing about me.

and it says everything about Him.



"i will rather boast, therefore, in my weaknesses ... so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

if this is what You want to do, Lord, who am i to interfere?

new old hymns

i love hymns. for several reasons, i think. i first loved them because i have many sweet memories of singing hymns in church next to my dad, him taking the bass or tenor lines and myself the alto. as i've gotten older, i have learned to love the way hymns speak about God. i find them much more profound that most praise songs i hear on the radio.

one that i've been hearing a lot lately is "for the beauty of the earth" ... it's pretty good :D i first heard it at staff retreat, then i heard barlow girls' (i think it was them, anyway) christmas-ized version on the radio. so as i was driving home last night (and fighting to stay awake), i was compelled to re-vamp the good old hymn and write a few verses of my own :D



for Thy total sovereignty
over every fleeting life
for Thy loving plan we see
in the midst of sorrow'd strife
Lord of all, to Thee we raise
This our hymn of grateful praise

for the straight and narrow way
lit by naught but Thine true Word
for the dark and cloudy day
when each faithful servant yearns
Lord of all, to Thee we raise
This our hymn of grateful praise

when all doubts and darkness rise
when dull apathy invades
when we conquer satan's lies
claiming Jesus' empty grave
Lord of all, to Thee we raise
This our hymn of grateful praise

should i lose both health and name
riches, kin, or closest friend
i will trust You e'er the same
praise You now, and when in Heav'n
Lord of all, to Thee we raise
This our hymn of grateful praise

it's been a long december

and there's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last.


so, has it been a hard year for anyone else? hah, don't answer that .... because i already know.

today, as i was getting frustrated with God (i might have been yelling at Him a little?), i was thinking back over some of the things that this year has taught me.

trust.
perseverance.
eternal perspective.
security in the nature of God alone.
selflessness (ok, actually, maybe just that i am selfish).
hope.
truth.


and in myself, i saw that talk is cheap, but how i spend my days is what actually reveals what i believe about the world and myself and God.


so now i'm thinking about how i've spent my days.

and what i really believe, apparently ...






... and i'm thinking that maybe my heart is a little crusty.

it's been a long december
but there's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last.

grace ... like rain.

i've been thinking a lot about grace.

grace never gets old. i never stop needing grace. grace never stops loving me. it's always new. it's ever relevant. utterly relevant ... perhaps THE most relevant thing in life.

in the drought of my soul, grace tastes good like rain. like the purity of water to a parched throat. it's freeing. cleansing. amazing.

i wear grace like clothing. it covers me ... all my flaws and insecurities. it keeps me warm against the cold night of the soul and it breaks the winds of change so that i am not knocked over.

my next step is by grace.

my current place is by grace.

my [hi]story is all by grace.


grace ... the gift. freely given from God's hands.


and all is gift.


"the reformation was a time when men when blind, staggering drunk because they had discovered, in the dusty basement of late medievalism, a whole cellarful of fifteen-hundred-year-old, two-hundred-proof grace--bottle after bottle of pure distillate Scripture, one sip of which would convince anyone that God saves us single-handedly. the word of the gospel--after all those centuries of trying to lift yourself into heaven by worrying about the perfection of your bootstraps--suddenly turned out to be a flat announcement that the saved were home before they started ... Grace has to be drunk straight: no water, no ice, and certainly no ginger ale; neither goodness, nor badness, nor the flowers that bloom in the spring of super spirituality could be allowed to enter into the case." --robert capon, as quoted by brennan manning in "the ragamuffin gospel"


yes, by the free-gift grace of God, i am what i am. one untimely born, not fit to be called an apostle, the last and least of all the apostles.



pass me that bottle. i'll drink it to the dregs.